IYour friend is getting married. Yay, congrats to the bride and groom. No, really, you should be happy for him, because he deserved it. She’s fantastic and you, a good friend, should make everyone believe this is the right choice. From now to the wedding day, preparations will be underway.
You will be very involved in some wedding tasks ― the bachelor party is definitely on the fun list ― but others will leave you on the sidelines. Through both the good and the bad, you can expect long nights on your phone, counseling your friend through the wedding prep.
But when it comes down to it, you’ll really only need to handle toasts and what you should say in your speech as a wedding guest ― lucky you! Not to worry, because we’ll be giving you tips for the toast, and you’ll be the one getting applauses.
We’re giving you fun and original toasts only, because you want to be different; smart, funny, and maybe a bit irreverent. Let’s be honest: you’re better than any other guest at the wedding.
We took care of you here at the office, putting a proper speech together, and tips to inspire your presentation. Now you can avoid nights without sleep, anxiety, and nightmares! No more working yourself up, thinking of the right sentences to say in front of all those people, with all eyes on you: family friends, close family, people who don’t know anything about you and can’t wait to judge you for those few lines out of your mouth… Don’t worry, we’ve got your back.
Everyone will remember you because you found the perfect words to say on such an important occasion. Here are our 3 types of wedding toasts, according to your mood and your storytelling skills, to help you captivate the whole wedding party.
1. You’ll need lots of details first, followed by all the groom’s secrets
Zach Galifianakis is Alan in The Hangover. If your goal is to have all the guests in front of you, waiting for you to finally get to the point (eventually) and make your wishes to the couple; this is the most successful strategy. You’ll need a couple of shots beforehand for the courage to divulge all the little secrets.
Badass level: high | Attention-grabbing level: medium | Chances for success: low
2. Start with a cynical view, and end with some romance
Ashley Judd plays Tina in Frida. The speech starts off pretty honest; speaking your mind is theoretically always the right choice. You don’t believe in marriage? It’s okay, it’s not for everyone. You’ve got their full attention now, with your refined and formal language. The audience is there. To bring some positivity back to the toast, you need some romance ― listen to what little heart you have left.
Badass level: medium | Attention-grabbing level: high | Chances for success: medium
3. The merry-go-round approach: start with anecdotes, jokes afterward, then some romance, and go back to the jokes once again
Hugh Grant is Charles in Four Weddings and a Funeral. Telling secrets is a surefire way to get everyone’s attention. As a guest of honor, it’s your right to be honest. Make them laugh; talk about other weddings and their misfortunes. The audience is all pretty much there, staring at you. Some are even laughing. At this point, it’s the right time to talk about love because that’s what everyone is expecting to hear. Go deep. To end, throw in another joke, which will get the wedding party applauding and cheering for the bride and groom.
Badass level: medium | Attention-grabbing level: medium/high | Chances for success: high
At any wedding, I’d be shocked to hear even a sentence from one of those speeches. Certainly, any of these speeches would be stuck in the heads of the bride, groom, and all the guests at the wedding forever (until death do us part?).
Actually, some of these lines could work for a wedding anniversary speech; hoping that the love, the couple, the marriage, and everything else stayed the same.
Otherwise, you can use these speeches for other wedding events. But, only if the different couples don’t know each other and there are no smartphones around to record and post on social media in real time. Because you know, the truth will come out eventually.